在家中正常与正确的沟通[5月13日家庭月信息]

家庭月信息｜在家中正常与正确的沟通

5月13日

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朱志山牧师

经文: 创25:27-29，27:6-7，10，41-42，46；28:1，6-9；申6:6-7，13-14

课题: 靠圣灵而活, 爱, 家庭, 儿女/后代,

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当我们谈到造成家中蒙恩的属灵背景，其中最重要的就是沟通。有些家庭不沟通，有些家庭沟而不通。其实，人思想的交换与得情感的安舒都是透过沟通而来。家人心灵感应的产生和交换都是透过沟通发生的。家庭里虽然有属灵的原理（以基督为头，丈夫带领，妻子顺服，儿女听从的原理），但实际的运作是其实透过沟通才能将此原理很完善的实践出来。有些人讲话很有道理，但因为不懂得沟通，所以无法让家人明白他心中的意思，家庭就少了彼此影响的环节。有些基督徒讲的话似乎很属灵，但因为不懂得沟通，造成不信的家人对基督信仰感到不切实际，甚至反感。其实，很多人不理解沟通的要素在哪里。许多人以为沟通就是说话，所以有些妻子埋怨自己丈夫不爱说话，所以无法沟通。其实，在有些家庭里，每个人都在说话但没有人听，那不叫沟通。另外，在有些家庭里，爱说话的一直说话，不爱说话的一直听，但听来听去总是不理解彼此，家人之间也没有默契。其实，真正的沟通，不但有说、有听，且能带来彼此的认识、影响、适应。有些夫妇两人不需要讲很多话，但总是会理解彼此的需要和做法。他们也不是向彼此所说的直接反应，总是思考过，且帮助彼此思考与进步。有些父母不需要天天唠叨孩子，但在适当时说的话，孩子且都爱听，且受父母的话影响。这才是一个真沟通的家庭。其实，如果我们对基督的信仰与经历是正确的，哪怕我们的家人是非信徒，我们首先是能够与他们正常的沟通。这是因为主与我们同在，且与我们的关系同在。纵然神超自然的活在我们生命里，祂且是很正常的活在我们的关系中。祂不愿意我们将那很主观的超自然经历带到我们与人的关系中。相反的，超自然的经历要越自然的带到与人的关系中。例如：倘若我们在个人祷告中被圣灵充满，以至我们在灵里面挣扎、悔改、破碎之后得自由与信心，这个要转化为我们与家人在相处之中的爱与智慧。其实，医治与智慧的临到，是我们与神的交通，与我们与人很正常的沟通当中发生的。另外，我们要谈到正确的沟通，我们要问自己三个重要的问题。① 试问我们与家人能很自然的谈起上帝吗？有些家庭里虽然都是基督徒成员，但要讲起神就感到变扭，这也就证明神只是留在家人的观念里，不是在生活里。确实，我们要思想怎么让神很自然的进入我们与家人之间的沟通里；② 当我们在家中讲起上帝，试问上帝的真理是否逐渐潜伏在我们的思想、价值与关注里，或者神只是成为家庭中一个求福的对象？其实，家庭要得医治，很关键是千万不要将神当做一种求福的对象，乃是要看为认识与追求的对象。因为我们的神是有心思、情感、意志与作为的，祂不单单是华人民间宗教请到家中安神位的对象。倘若我们认识了祂，信从了祂的真理，我们和我们的家马上活在保护我们的属灵环境里，而这保护不但是肉身的保护，更是我们的思想和情感的保护。那不是某些在教会里提倡的方法论，例如：在家中每天向孩子说几句祝福的话，或是在家中守圣餐。倘若家庭没有继续追求行在真理中，这些只不过是一种求捷径的形式与方法；③ 透过我们很自然的将神潜移默化的带到我们的交谈中，是否看见家庭成员渐渐的从一些坏习惯与不良的言行举止中得释放？家里的喜乐也多起来呢？确实，家人蒙恩的沟通本身就是依靠圣灵，且领受圣灵的医治的途径。所以，我们千万不要轻看家庭成员沟通所带来的属灵背景。那是真医治与释放我们的背景。确实，造成背景胜于我们天天处理问题，而这要透过沟通发生。在此，我们当然也不要轻看我们为家人祷告的重要。有时，家庭里的僵局与家人的刚硬是一定要透过我们在内室里常常为他们祷告，且捆绑他们生命里的壮士《太12:29》，但我们为他们祷告之后一定要回到怎么与他们实际的沟通。

When we talk about creating the blessed spiritual background in the family, the most important is communication. Some families do not communicate, some families communicate but still have breakdown. Actually, the exchange of human thoughts and the receiving of emotional comfort all come from communication. The telepathy among family members and the exchanges of interaction all happen through communication.  Although the family has spiritual principles (principles of Christ being the Head, husband in the lead, wife submits, children obey), only through communication can these principles be perfectly practiced in reality. Some people can reason very well, but because they do not know how to communicate effectively, they are unable to let family members understand the meaning of their hearts, so the family misses the opportunity to influence one another. Some Christians seem to be very spiritual in their words, but because they do not know how to communicate, it makes non-believing family members feel that the Christian faith is impractical, such that they are even turned off by it. Actually, many people do not know the key elements of communication. Many people think that to communicate is to talk, so some wives complain that their husbands do not like to talk, so they are unable to communicate. Actually, in some families, everyone is talking but no one is listening. That is not communication. Also, in some families, those who love talking keep on talking, but those who do not like talking keep on listening, yet no matter how they listen, they still cannot understand one another; there is also no chemistry among family members. In fact, true communication not only comprises talking, but also listening, bringing about mutual understanding, influencing, and adapting. Some couples need not talk too much, but husband and wife can always understand each other’s needs and methods. They also do not react directly to each other’s words, but they think through, and help each other think and improve. Some parents do not need to nag at their children daily, but they speak at appropriate moments, and the children all love to listen and they are also influenced by the words of the parents. This then is a family which truly communicates. Actually, if we have the right Christian faith and experience, even if our family members are non-believers, we can first communicate with them normally. This is because the Lord is with us, and He is also present with our relationships. Although God lives in our lives supernaturally, He lives very normally in our relationships. He does not wish that we bring our subjective supernatural experiences into our interpersonal relationships. On the contrary, supernatural experiences must be brought more naturally into our relationships with others. For example: If we are filled by the Holy Spirit in our personal prayers, such that we struggle in our spirits, repent, and are broken, then after that we receive freedom and faith, this must translate into love and wisdom as we live with our family members. In fact, healing and wisdom come when we have normal communication with God and with men. In addition, we must touch on the right communication. Here, we may need to ask ourselves 3 important questions. (1) Can we and our families naturally talk about God? In some families, although everyone is a Christian, they feel awkward talking about God. This just proves that God is only a concept to them, but He is not in their living. Indeed, we must think about how to let God enter our communication with our family members; (2) when we are talking about God in our family, is the truth of God latent in our thoughts, values and focus, or is He an object from whom we seek blessings? Actually, for healing to take place in the family, it is critical that we do not just seek God merely for His blessings, but to seek to know and pursue Him. Because our God has mind, emotion and will. He is not an idol that is to be invited and placed in a house, like the gods of Chinese traditional beliefs. If we know Him, believe and obey His truth, we and our families will live in a spiritual environment under His protection. This protection is not just in the physical sense, but also in our hearts and minds.These are not methods that some churches promote, e.g.: speak a few words of blessings over the kids everyday or observe the holy communion at home. If a family is not pursuing the truth steadily, these are just ritualistic short-cuts and methods; (3) when we very naturally let God in subtly in our conversations, can we see family members gradually liberated from bad habits and undesirable speech and behaviours? And the joy in the family increases? Actually, the way to blessed communication between family members is through reliance on the Holy Spirit, and receiving healing from the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we must never take lightly the spiritual context that will be brought about by the communication within the family. That is the setting of true healing and liberation. Actually, creating the right setting is better than dealing with problems daily. And this must come through communication. Here, we must also not take lightly the importance of prayers for our families. Sometimes, in deadlocks or when family members are hardened, we must overcome them through prayers in our inner room, to bind the strong man in their lives <Mt 12:29>. However, after prayers, we must go back to how to communicate with them practically.

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