当人不愿意时...[10月14日专题信息]

专题信息｜当人不愿意时...

10月14日

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朱志山牧师

经文: 太26:41-42；林前7:7；林后9:2

课题: 基督的榜样, 爱, 儿女/后代, 人际医治, 人的心灵,

标签: 爱人, 人际关系医治,

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我们都有“不愿意”的时候，如同我们做学生时有时不愿意下苦工学习，做工时也有时候不愿意放进心思，或是做了信徒不太愿意服侍，或是虽然有经济的能力却不太愿意奉献。我们最清楚自己的“不愿意”。但是当我们在生活中慢慢与人接触，有时需要和人相处，合作，我们就开始向人提出要求。这时我们又会面对他人的“不愿意”。确实，人的不愿意是多么的普遍。当人不愿意时，我们要达成协议，办妥事情是多么的困难。所以，我们常常因他人的“不愿意”感觉到很懊恼。做父母最烦恼的是当孩子不愿意听劝。做牧者的最辛苦是当羊群不愿意顺服。所以，人都因彼此的“不愿意”而彼此使唤、强逼，甚至伤害。从另外一方面，当人愿意时，我们是多么的欣慰。因为人一旦愿意，很多事情都能办妥，障碍也消除。其实，在面对人的“愿意”与“不愿意”的交叉之中，我们一直没有明白的事实是：① 人的不愿意也有神的许可。确实，我们自己也不是全知全能的。当我们愿意一个人这么做，但他带有不愿意的心，那是否是主也许可呢？或者，主也可能在当中有另外一个带领，且是我们不知道的。例如：一对夫妇想买一套家具，丈夫愿意，妻子不愿意，这也有神的带领。或是，一方面说服另一方面的过程也是考验彼此的关系。这都是神在进行的事，也是我们不可忽视的。就算是牧者在帮助一个软弱的肢体从他的软弱走出来时，也会一直面对他的不愿意。在这当中，我们可能只愿意那肢体能快快听劝，但其实在这当中我们对那肢体更加认识，生出爱和理解，这才是牧养的宗旨；② 人的不愿意不能废去神完美的旨意。所以，尽管他人是不愿意，我们要愿意。只要我们在神向我们所显明的事上尽心尽力随从祂，祂必叫万事互相效力，使我们得益处。可能有时候，我们的孩子不愿意听劝好好学习，也许也是他们还没有得着成熟力。我们劝导了，指责了，但一定不要盼望他马上能改过来。他可能很快又会重蹈覆辙，但这也是教育的一部分。有时，我们年轻人想开导自己的父母，但会发现他们倾向的观念不是这么容易改变，但我们有耐心的再开导，这也是尊重他们的一种表现。所以，我们要将价值放在“遵行主的旨意”，不要将价值放在要“让自己轻松”。我们要将价值放在“认识与理解一个人的生命”，不要将价值放在“他听劝就好”。哪怕是我们的家人或是认识多年的人，我们还是继续要认识与理解他们，那才是往着“爱人如己”的方向走去。确实，人是有罪性的。我们所要求的人是有罪的，他们需要挣扎过，犯错过，然后在蒙怜悯才能愿意。那我们要求别人的人也是有罪的。我们的罪叫我们操之过急，有时也不靠圣灵说话行事，反而按着自己的控制欲而行，所以叫不愿意的人继续更不愿意。所以，当我们面对人的不愿意时，我们一定要清楚依靠圣灵来面对人暂时的固执和糊涂。当晓得，我们是在面对人的罪性，那不是我们靠着人的聪明与意志能胜过的，那也并非靠着某些强硬或柔顺的方法才能解决。有时我们需要靠着圣灵为他人祷告，有时我们要靠着圣灵管理自己的心境，有时我们要靠着圣灵从新的角度来理解人或是看事情，有时我们也需要多聆听之后才说。这种种的功夫就是一种敬虔的操练，且是一个属灵人渴望学习的。

There are always times when we are “not willing”, just like how when we were students and were not willing to work hard to revise our studies, when at work, we are sometimes not willing to put our mind to work, or after we became believers, we are not too willing to serve, or even though we have the financial means, we are not too willing to give our offerings. We know best our own “unwillingness”. But when we slowly interact with people in our daily lives, there are times we need to get along with others and co-work, we start to have requests on them. When that happens, we will face the “unwillingness” of others. Truly, human unwillingness is very common. When people are unwilling, having to reach an agreement or to accomplish a piece of work can be so difficult. Therefore, we are often upset by the “unwillingness” of others. Parents are most troubled when their children are not willing to listen to their advice. The greatest difficulty of a pastor is when his sheep are not willing to submit. Therefore, because of mutual “unwillingness”, there is mutual ordering about, coercion or even hurts. From another perspective, when people are willing, we are so gratified. When a person is willing, many things can be accomplished and obstacles are eliminated. Actually, the truths that we always do not understand when facing the intersection of human “willingness” and “unwillingness” are: (1) a person’s unwillingness is permissible by God. Truly, we ourselves are not all-knowing or almighty. When we want others to do something but they are reluctant, is that permissible by the Lord? Or, unknown to us, the Lord may also have an alternative guidance in the process. For example, when a couple wants to buy a set of furniture, the husband is willing but the wife is not. There must be God’s guidance in that situation. Or, the process of convincing the other party is a test of their relationship. This is God’s doing and we cannot neglect this. Even when the shepherd is helping some brethren to overcome his weakness, the shepherd will also continue to face his unwillingness. In this process, perhaps we only wish that the brethren can quickly listen to the advice, but beyond that, we are actually able to know the brethren better in the process, and develop love and understanding for him. This is the true purpose of shepherding; (2) the unwillingness of others cannot nullify God’s perfect will. Therefore, even if others are not willing, we must be willing. As long as we do our best to follow God in what He has revealed to us, He will surely work for the good of those who love Him. There are also times when our children are not willing to listen to our advice to be serious in their studies. It is possible that they have not matured. After we have advised, guided or even rebuked them, we cannot hope that they change immediately. They may quickly repeat the same mistakes and this could be part of the education process. Sometimes, we young adults may want to enlighten our parents. But we discover that it is not so easy to change their inclinations and thoughts. But enlightening them patiently is also a demonstration of our respect for them. Therefore, we must place our value on doing the will of the Lord and not merely to “let ourselves relax”. We must put our value on knowing and understanding the life of a person and not be contented by the fact that he listens to our advice. We must continue to know and understand even our family members and those whom we already knew for many years. This is walking in the direction of “love your neighbour as yourself”. Truly, people all have sinful nature. The people whom we have expectations on, also have sins. They must go through struggles, make mistakes and receive mercy before they become willing. Even we who have expectations on others, also have sins. Our sins cause us to be overly anxious. There are times we do not rely on the Holy Spirit to speak and act but act on our own desire to control, causing unwilling parties to be more reluctant. Therefore, when we face the reluctance of others, we must clearly rely on the Holy Spirit to handle the temporary stubbornness and bewilderment of others. We must understand that we are confronting a person’s sinful nature which cannot be overcome by relying on human intelligence and determination. That also cannot be overcome or solved by relying on hard or soft approaches. Sometimes, we need to rely on the Holy Spirit to pray for others. Sometimes we need to rely on the Holy Spirit to manage our own moods. Sometimes, we need to rely on the Holy Spirit to understand others or see situations from a new perspective. Sometimes, we also have to listen more before we speak. These efforts are training in godliness and what a spiritual person should desire to learn.

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